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I've decided that I'm absolutely terrible at "goodbye's." For some reason, to me, they are incredibly difficult. The vulnerability in goodbye's is just too much for me, which is sorta weird considering who I am. And to be honest, sometimes they are super awkward. What is the proper procedure for goodbyes? Do you hug? Who don't you hug? What do you say? Just way too many things to think about during goodbyes.
Anyway, this month I'll have to say goodbye to a few people in my life that will be incredibly difficult. Rick, Laura and Charlotte are leaving Cleveland at the end of June. They'll be moving to Chicago so Rick can pursue his Masters of Div. I am really excited for all that's going on in their lives. It will just be sad to see them go. Anyone who knows me knows how much I love family and how important it is to me. Rick and Laura have been my family since I've moved here three years ago. They were the first people (besides Bec) that I knew. They took me in. Had me over for dinner. Taught me an insane amount of stuff. They've been my family and it will be super sad to see them go. I'll probably be crying alot .... hah. So what else is new?! :)
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Today I babysat Charlotte. I've been trying to soak in all the time I can with her and Rick and Laura. We had a splendid time at Coventry Park. The girl swung on the tire swing for a good 30 minutes. We played some more at the park and then walked back home. The way home consisted of us hopping over every crack in the sidewalk. It was really fun :) I tried to enjoy it as much as I could knowing that this would be one of the last times we would enjoy such a walk.
But as I walked with Charlotte, I couldn't help but to think of my own life. I wondered a bit about my desire to have children. It's pretty strong. But then i wondered if that's just a "womanly" thing - like do all women feel maternal? I dunno.
I also thought about my current state of life. In my mind, I feel like I think that it's just temporary, as if I'm waiting for my "permanent" life to start. I'm not sure what a permanent life looks like ... I guess marriage and family, a house and other things. Right now I think I'm just sorta in a holding place for the rest of my life to start. I'm very aware that I can have a fulfilling life as a single woman, but I can't help but to think otherwise, at least today. I can't wait to have a husband and a family and a house that's my own. Maybe I'm just tired of all the change in my life. It's been a lot. Things aren't as stable as I would like them to be.
Well, I think that's it for now at least. Some more random thoughts later .... :)
